Part 13: Hot Sewer Sex

Hot Sewer Sex


Welcome back! Last time, on the violence run, we hooked up with Devi Christu. Today Bear is going to wander Krasnoznamenny and help a sewer mutant.

I just want you all to remember that you voted for this.



Anyway, leaving the casino of wacky cultists and horny cult leaders, we need to find a manhole.



This manhole is sadly blocked by unknown forces and we can't get in.



We can, however, go down this manhole and do adventures.



There's a lot of dumb bullshit in this manhole, some of which we can't interact with (we're not possessed), some of which has worthless rewards (a big rat fight), some of which I don't want to start yet, and...



: [The unfortunate result of nature's never ending tomfoolery smiles at you with a mouth full of yellow, rotted teeth and swollen, spotty gums which are actively excreting a thick yellow puss]

: Don't mess with him, Bear Bearovitch. This hombre is known to me - the stench his body produces is even more dangerous and disgusting than he is.

: [It feels as though the mutant's huge, watery eyes are staring into your very soul and it's making you uncomfortable, as if even his gaze is sweaty, and full of pus and rot]

: Mmm... Hellos! Where did such a smooth, silky, sleek-faced person come from?

: [The man has a disturbing twinkle in his eyes, and rubs his small, sweaty hands together as he asks]



Everyone who voted to help the mutant because he was more virtuous than the pizzagate guys can sit down now.

: I was checking out the sewers and I stumbled upon you. We can chat for a bit, if that's okay.

: [The malodorous man's swollen lower lip juts out in a pout. He's obviously insulted]



: You're offering jobs? I want to hear all about it.

: [Toilet Kruul sniffles loudly, then audibly swallows the mucus. His sweaty, too small hands begin to shake like he's cold]

: The sewers are my home... The cultists never touch me. The bandits and bullies leave me be. Everyone respects Toilet Kruul. Everyone, that is... but the silly eight-legged things! The giant spiders that make their homes in the tunnels.



: How long has it been waiting? Has anyone else ever tried helping you out?

: Well, ummm...

: [Toilet Kruul cracks his bulging, arthritic-looking knuckles and silently studies his long, yellow crooked fingernails for a minute]

: Mmmm... Lots tried. So many... Yess, so many... Do you know how many came back? This many...

: [The mutant makes a round shape with his fingers, resembling a zero]



: Whatever. I'll do it. Wait here, Kruul.




It's ATOM combat. We got Fidel a Skorpion SMG so he can actually contribute and spend all his AP and our 9mm ammo killing weaker enemies. Bear's Cossack Steel ruins the giant spiders, so we just awkwardly wait for the spiders to wander up and then one-shot critical them to death.





: About that job...



: The deed is done. The spiders will torment you no longer.

: Hold on!

: [Toilet Kruul walks up to you and moves to place his sweaty, dirty, rancid hand over your mouth. You quickly take a step back. The terrible man looks at you with disdain, but then freezes in place]

: So quiet... No more tiny feet dancing on the pipes. No more sounds of fuzzy bodies climbing on spider webs. No more clickity clackity mandibles. All is silent. You really did kill all the spiders!

: Mmmhmm... And you earned a handsome reward for it too, my sweet, sleek-faced friend. That reward is my trust. Money too, though! Yess... money too. Here, take it, quickly!



The sheer amount of repetition ensures the character is memorable as disgusting, at least.

: A true friend you are, sleek-face. I would give you more if those topside freaks paid better.



: Thanks, I guess. This reward sure is helpful.

: [The saucer-sized eyes of Toilet Kruul watch your every move as you pocket his gifts. Afterwards, his face contorts into a wide, crooked grin]



Oh boy! Shit encrusted items! How could we say no?

: Totally. Can you give me the details?

: So...

: [Kruul coughs, licks his zit-speckled lips, and begins:]

Did we need this in here?



I know I shit on this game's prose enough, but I want to say that I really do think it could be better. Yes, the realism is functional, and the dialog attempts humor, but you have the disconnect between the feverish conspiracy zone the game wants to portray and the banal realism of redundant actions. We don't need Kruul's delaying actions in parenthesis after he says "So...", the delay is implied.



Now, this kind of works to show how disgusting Kruul is by slavering over this unfortunate woman. Ok.



This is further reinforced by the dialog of him peeping under her skirt as a weird sex offender.



It's stuff like this that tells me the writers were insecure of the effect of their writing and felt the need to reinforce it. First they have Kruul describe his weird "love quest", then they compare him to a house fly, then he goes on to describe peeking up a woman's skirt, and that's all they need to convey disgust! They've been reinforcing the idea that he's a stinky disgusting abomination of nature constantly, and now they don't think that's enough and they feel the need to browbeat the player even further.



I don't necessarily even mind verbosity, but this is just banal. The dialogue in this game is actually fairly distinctive for each of the characters. Kruul describes Nastasya like a piece of candy (sweet and tasty) and it conveys to the reader how disgusting he is. Then we cut to the dully realist narrator that's the same for all of these characters, which is written less as a literary piece and more like a screenplay of stage directions. I will admit that I am biased as I'm transcribing all this by hand, so yell at me in the thread.





The saddest thing is that this sleek-face appellation and general speech mannerisms are perfectly adequate at conveying how disgusting this mutant is.



Unfortunately for Fidel, there are shit-encrusted items on the line.



: Who am I to deny love and passion? I'll do it!



Let's take our drug-addled ass up to go get Nastasya.



: Your name is Nastasya, right?



: Listen, you need to find the closest entrance into the sewer. I will tell you everything later.

: [The girl gives you a shy look, full of naive sincenty]



: A puppy almost drowned in the manhole. I saved him, but now he needs someone to take care of him.

: [Nastaya sadly sniffs]

: I am allergic to dogs... But I will try to help!

: [Fidel quietly whispers into your ear;]



: [The girl once again sneezes, and smiles weakly]

: So, what are we waiting for? Let's go help the poor pupper!





: [Descend into the sewers]



We get a loading screen!





: [Watch in awed silence]

: Toilet Kruul?? W-what's going on? By god? What is happening?



: Toilet Kruul...I...I...

: [There is no fear in Nastasya's eyes, no disgust, just tear of joy. With a loud gasp, the girl sensually hugs Toilet Kruul, and he lifts her up to his tiny, covered arms. The pair starts dancing in circles, hugging and kissing each other]

: Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes, my sweet Kruul! Oh, how I waited for these words!



: [Keep quiet]

: [The lovers join in a passionate kiss]



: Well, good luck with that love thing. I have some things I wanna ask the husband.



: I've done my part, Kruul.

: [You have never seen Toilet Kruul look happier. His huge, watery eyes bulge sickly from their eye sockets and his angrily pimpled lips stretch into a wide smile to display each one of his remaining jagged, yellow teeth]





: Okay, then. Have a good one, I guess.




And on that note we'll leave the further misadventures of Bear and Fidel for another day.

Next time: Remember that crazy anti-Semite writer Prokhanov?